Bob-bob-bobbin' Along

So I stop by Publix the other day to pick up something for dinner. I’m looking in the On Sale Today! display case near the entrance when I hear a sing-song voice behind me.

“I have a surprise for you.”
 I turn around without wanting to. It’s a store employee standing at a kiosk. She’s looking right at me.

“Sorry?”

“I have a surprise for you.” I think she thinks I’m four.

Now I know that when strangers stop you and tell you they have a surprise for you it’s never the kind of surprise you want, like a million dollars. Or a new car. Or a pounder bag of M&M’s. (Abort! Abort!! Abort!!!) It’s too late. I’ve made eye contact.

I raise my eyebrows as if to say You don’t really expect me to stop and talk to you, do you? Only, she thinks I mean Really? Do tell!!

So, in a breathless, hand-to-the-heart voice she says, “Boneless chicken kabobs.” Her eyes start to close in ecstasy, “Grilled. To. Perfection.”

I’m staring at this chicken skewering Drama Mama, with the Bee Gee’s How Deep is Your Love playing on the sound system, thinking, “My God, she has more emotion wrapped up in those chicken kabobs than I do in my entire marriage!”

I mean, really, there she is, practically having a “moment” in Publix.

And you know, why the hell not? I say if she can get that excited about her job and her kabobs, then Skewer On, Girl! Way to grab life and stick a long metal spike up its rear end! Go out and get you some (more chicken)! You deserve it!