I went looking for a Catholic priest the other day. I wanted to ask if I could change my patron saint. Not that I don’t like mine, you understand, it’s just that I’ve been, well, keeping her very busy lately and I thought I’d give her a break. She is only one saint and praying for me must be a monumental task, especially considering the amount of prayer requests I put in to her:
“Dear Saint Elizabeth, please send up prayers that my husband forgets to open the credit card bill tonight…and tomorrow night, too. Can we make it a month?”
“Dear Saint Elizabeth, please send up prayers that my son comes down with chicken pox right now so I won’t have to bake these forty dozen cookies for tomorrow.”
“Dear Saint Elizabeth, please send up prayers that it rains next Tuesday, the likes of which only Noah could imagine, in order to ruin the first-grade field trip to the Drop ‘Em Chop ‘Em chicken processing plant so I don’t have to chaperone, which I mistakenly volunteered for during fever-induced delirium brought on by a ferocious flu. That reminds me, thanks for the help on the flu thing. It saved me from having to attend last month’s PTA meeting, less formally known as The Gathering of Women Who All Work Out and Who All Look Great and Who All Talk About How Fat They Are. Somebody was this close to getting hurt.”
The priest said he’d never heard of anyone changing patron saints before. He didn’t think it sounded like a good idea but that if I was absolutely set on changing saints, perhaps I would be interested in Christina the Astonishing.
Christina the Astonishing!!! Oh my gosh, she sounded perfect! No doubt she could handle my boatload of prayer requests. Oh man, THIS is what I need. Someone ASTONISHING! Yes! Yes! Yes! Thank you, Father Dominic, you so totally get me!
Um, yeah. I just learned that Christina the Astonishing is the patron of lunatics. How did he know?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment