I’m not a Mommy mom anymore. I don’t have little ones drooling cracker juice on my feet while I try to cook. I’m past the poop stories (but Kevin and I are getting older so you never know) and my idea of a play date is when Kevin and I are on one of our trips to Home Depot and I “play” like we’re on a date.
The weird part is I’m only 40. Most women my age are still wiping noses and planning alcohol-free birthday parties.
Me, I’m wrapping it up. My oldest munchkin, Adam, is about 6 feet tall and sports a beard. A thick, dark beard. My youngest, Elizabeth, just started her first job and likes to give me makeup tips. As if.
Honestly, I’m a little disoriented. Nothing’s the same anymore. Elizabeth tells me what my schedule will be (“I’ll need a ride to here, then a ride to there, and then dropped off at the other place. Don’t be late!”). If I do accidentally plan something that conflicts with her schedule, she’ll toss me the I’m Trying To Be Patient But You Make It So Hard look. Adam is home for the summer but has his own car and works full-time. Most days he acts more like a tenant than an immediate family member. He comes home just long enough to change clothes (that I’ve washed for him) and grab whatever food (that I’ve purchased or prepared) is within arms reach. Even Kevin has noticed that Adam is hardly around. The other day he asked if Adam was coming home for dinner. I said no, he was hanging out with his cousin, to which Kevin responded, “And you’re okay with that?”
ARRRRGGGGHHHHHH! NO, NO, NO, I’M NOT OKAY WITH THAT! Do you think I enjoy the thought of an empty house, a house that isn’t filled with toys and wet bathing suits and half-empty cups? Do you really think I want a house that stays neat, where the scissors stay where I put them and the bottom of the kitchen sink is visible to the naked eye? Do you think I want a house where I can come and go as I choose without having to pick someone up or drop someone off , where I can work outside the home without feeling as though I’m guilty of child neglect? Do you think I want the décor of every room to suit my tastes and not the tastes of a hormone crazy lovesick teenager? A house where, if we choose, Kevin and I can run around buck naked and get romantic on the Oriental rug or the oversized ottoman without worrying if someone might hear us or walk in on us?
DOES THAT SOUND LIKE WHAT I WANT??
WELL DOES IT????
Yeah, actually it does.