Spirit of Place

-- June 2001


Technically, I suppose, a window is not a place. It really has no distinct qualities of its own, instead drawing its color and depth from what lies beyond. Moved to another location, the same window would recreate itself, becoming its new surroundings. One might be tempted to think a window is merely a conductor of visions, a "borrower" of essence. It is all of this, yet at the same time is a tangible, solid object that can be touched, cleaned, opened. It can be broken or removed, covered or enlarged. Yet when separated from a building, a window becomes nothing more than panes of glass in a wooden frame. For all its simplicity, my favorite place is at a desk in front of my living room window.

Catch Me If You Can

--Sept 2002

The other day I took a friend to the airport. After a three-year tour in Europe, she was finally moving back to the United States and would be living near her family again. While we sat in a coffee shop waiting for her flight to board, I noticed something seemed to be bothering her.

Motherhood

--2002

I never paid attention to the old adage, "Motherhood is the toughest job in the world." The way I saw it, my mom didn't have it that hard; after all, I certainly wasn't any trouble. Oh sure, I occasionally left out a toy or two, and perhaps I never took "no" for an answer, and it is true my mom still shudders when my teenage years are mentioned, but other than that, I was a cinch to raise. I'm sure of it.

Nursing Home - Days 2, 3, & 4

--July 2003

(Day 2)
DeeDee is in the hall today. She isn’t wearing pants. There she sits, rolling along in her underwear, carrying her pants in her lap. I say hello to her and she crooks her finger in my direction to call me over. When I move forward, she points to her back and nods her head yes, as if I know what she means. I don’t.
I soon learn she wants me to unhook her bra.

The Nursing Home - Day 1

--July 2003

Went to see Mama Ruth today. I haven’t seen her for 3 years. She looks so close to death. Her skin is drawn back from her mouth like a skeleton. Her hands are curled inward towards her wrists. It reminds me of the Ice Man, that 10,000 year-old man they found in the Italian Alps a few years ago. She's sleeping but I have to admit, she truly looks dead. My first thought is, “Oh no. We’re too late.” But Aunt Myrna starts talking to her as if she were sitting at the kitchen table so I look again and sure enough, she's still alive.

Overheard in public

Couples discussing foreigners...

MAN {in a very Southern accent}: Sometimes I cain't understand 'em on the phone.

WOMAN {very Southern, smoker's rasp}: My husband will give 'em one chance to repeat whut they said and if he still cain't understand 'em, he'll ask for someone who talks English.

Caution: You are about to enter the Conspiracy Zone

(Before I begin, let me state that I am a Christian. I believe in the Second Coming but not necessarily in the form of the Rapture. I believe every generation is in its own “end times” since each of us have only our personal life span to reconcile our lives with God. I believe God will always take care of us and I do not spend time worrying about the end of the world but instead try to prepare for the end of MY world, which could happen at any moment. And yet, in spite of these long-held beliefs, I find myself starting to wonder if perhaps something larger IS happening in our universe. So for just a moment, I’m going to allow myself to engage in an alarmist, conspiratorial mindset. Off we go...)

Helpful Hint #52

Guys, if your wife routinely irons your work clothes, it’s not a good idea to interrupt her Saturday computer time by asking, “Are you going to have time to iron my clothes for this week?”

No, I mean it’s REALLY not a good idea.

Unless you want to catch hell.

In that case, go ahead. Ask.

Bowzer and the Bozo

You meet some nice people at the dog park. This afternoon I struck up a conversation with a woman who was enjoying the beautiful weather with her sweet 12-year-old mix. He was a nice dog, mild-mannered and gentle. Still, I kept my 6-year-old Yorkie, Mindy, on her leash at first. She's got a lot of energy and, while she's relatively friendly, has been known to start a fight here or there, particularly with bigger dogs. But once the two dogs were acquainted and Mindy seemed okay with the other dog, I let her off the leash. No problem.

The Way I See It...

The Promise.

A double rainbow as seen from my open living room window (in Germany) sometime in May 2005. This photo has not been retouched.

Oh My Gawd! That is, like, so totally true!

I'm watching Robin McGraw on the television right now. She’s on her husband’s show promoting her new book. Morgan Fairchild is her guest. They’re both talking about how they LOVE being in their fifties and how they feel so beautiful ("I think beauty comes from within" - says one as the other nods in agreement).

Of course it doesn't hurt that they both are actually physically beautiful. And have access to some of the world’s most advanced beauty products.

But if Morgan Fairchild and Robin McGraw want us to believe their beauty comes purely from within, well then okay.

Shure.

For Hire...

...One worn out woman.

My skills include nagging, lecturing for no good reason, and complaining. I am proficient in sarcasm, mimicry, and guilt application. I excel at ignoring blathering idiots, spewing venomous filth at a moment’s notice, and slamming doors. Certified in The Silent Treatment and The Cold Shoulder.

Willing to relocate. In fact, I insist on it.

Qualification:
20 years (total) marriage.

German village: Daylight and Moonlight

Lamaze Breathing or Venting

WOULD IT KILL YOU TO BE NICE?? WHAT, WAS YOUR FACE PARALYZED IN AN EXPLOSIVE CAR WRECK AND NOW YOU CAN’T SMILE?? DO YOU SUFFER FROM A RARE OCULAR VIRUS THAT PREVENTS YOU MAKING EYE CONTACT WITH ANOTHER HUMAN BEING?? DID YOUR FATHER BEAT THE HELL OUT OF YOU EVERYTIME YOU SAID A KIND WORD??

They're Coming To Take Me Away Hee Hee

I went looking for a Catholic priest the other day. I wanted to ask if I could change my patron saint. Not that I don’t like mine, you understand, it’s just that I’ve been, well, keeping her very busy lately and I thought I’d give her a break. She is only one saint and praying for me must be a monumental task, especially considering the amount of prayer requests I put in to her:

Old Journal Entry - Posted especially for Lisa and Teri

Arrival in Germany – July 2000

*Monday, July 17th
Tired but excited. Factories, diesel fuel, traffic jams on the highway. Crossed over the Rhein River. Whoa! Ramstein doesn't look familiar. Highways are dirtier than I remember. Try to remember. I think the buildings down the road from here are where we went Trick-or-Treating. BX, Commissary…nothing is familiar. Why isn’t it more familiar?

Tried to stay awake. Made it to 6 pm. Slept until 8 pm, when Elizabeth woke me up. Off and on sleep.

Bob-bob-bobbin' Along

So I stop by Publix the other day to pick up something for dinner. I’m looking in the On Sale Today! display case near the entrance when I hear a sing-song voice behind me.

“I have a surprise for you.”

Seeks a Fun-loving, Middle-aged Woman to Share Long, Romantic Walks on the Beach…

I’m not a Mommy mom anymore. I don’t have little ones drooling cracker juice on my feet while I try to cook. I’m past the poop stories (but Kevin and I are getting older so you never know) and my idea of a play date is when Kevin and I are on one of our trips to Home Depot and I “play” like we’re on a date.

Just Airin' Some Laundry

Kevin has owned his car for almost 5 years and has NEVER let me drive it.

I’m thinking a psychiatrist would have field day with that one.

Quick! Someone call the feminists!

I solemnly swear to tell the truth...

The car place called today. They wanted to know how, on a scale from one to ten (one being terrible, ten being fantastic), I would rate the service during my recent visit.

I quickly began the mental calculations:

To the Girl at the Drive-thru Window:

and then YOU say, “Thank you. Have a nice day!”

Has Anyone Seen My Spine?

People don't listen anymore. And I'm not talking about husbands and children. I'm talking about real people. Like the guy at the car service place. I called to make an appointment to have the oil changed.
“No problem’” he says, “Come in at eleven.”

Okay.